the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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