he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
