Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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