I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
