I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
is that a dick in a sweater?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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