i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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