Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
