you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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