I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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