I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
