my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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