I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
