They should really pass out barf bags in church
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
