If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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