he shaved USA in his pubs
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Couch. On fire.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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