mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
