I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
