Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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