so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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