I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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