I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
And then he peed in my hair
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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