Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
