matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
How does it feel to date your dad?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
