peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
