I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
