new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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