i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
