His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
