ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
