WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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