I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
