Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Randomize
