did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
