In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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