Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Pooping to opera.
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