like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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