You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
