hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
