Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
