He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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