His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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