Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
