My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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