He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
