i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
