Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
