I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
