yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
