just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
i've created a new STD.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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