his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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