I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
