GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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