Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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